F.J. Bergmann
Sauce Robert

F.J. Bergmann is living in Wisconsin for the fourth or fifth time. She studied psychology, biochemistry, and fine arts at the University of Wisconsin while writing as little as possible, and is currently a web designer and illustrator of a manual on interesting diseases. A previous existence was spent working with horses. She considers herself primarily a visual artist, which helps prevent writer's block. Poetry is a recent obsession, along with digital art and hypertext. She maintains www.madpoetry.org, a public service website for poetry in Madison, Wisconsin, as well as her own site, www.fibitz.com. She reads at spoken word venues and has been published in Margie-The American Journal of Poetry, Wind, RealPoetik, on asininepoetry.com under the name Easter Cathay, in the anthology Connected: Poetry on Life In The Age Of Computers, and at the 2002 Electronic Literature Symposium. She won the 2003 Mary Roberts Rinehart National Poetry Award and received awards from the Atlanta Review poetry competition in 2000, 2001, and 2002. Her hairstyle is deceptive. One of her pseudopodia can reach all the way from the bedroom to the refrigerator. Her favorite authors all write science fiction.

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A Likely Story

So there was this traveling.
princess on a quest, and she
got a flat tire-I mean
a flat chest, 32 double-A or so
and the dwarves couldn't fix it,
and there was this farmhouse
and a bad storm came up
with a tornado-no,
there wasn't a tornado after all,
so anyway, she got soaked
and her red slippers were just ruined, right?
anyway, there was a farmhouse near there
and she decided to stop
for the night and the farmer said,
" You poor thing! You must be
freezing and exhausted but I'm afraid
you'll have to sleep with
my youngest son, the crown prince,
who still wets the bed."
And the next morning the princess said,
" I'm black and blue and red all over!
How can I face my sales manager?
You didn't tell me he wet the bed that way!"